new love



right here folks

yep. add another scruffy husky to the list. lets just call them scrufkys who knows where this love originates.

bluegrass fest was rad. i got to wear a fedora, and my plaid dress, and open-toed click heels, while walking around with my dog. rowdy is a great accessory - when he behaves...

i felt san francisco spirit this weekend again. so that was helpful, because ever since watching the bridge movie, i've been kind of in the dumps.

the bridge the movie about suicide during 2004 was NOT happy. so far, 34 people have jumped off the bridge this year. suicides are up. so is my obsession with the count on that damn bridge. 2 years ago i couldnt look at that bridge without feeling some kind of accomplishment. now i look at the bridge and am grab the closest thing next to me for a hug. 1 year ago i looked to the bridge for pride - biking across the bridge daily, filled my life with accomplishment.
my point? take caution in watching the movie: THE BRIDGE.

there are better things to talk about.

my 16th one true love jim james is in BECOMING DYLAN -

ffwd

remember when you loved a song so much that you wanted to memorize the lyric?
but then the band didn't put any lyrics on the cover?
so you would listen and listen. and rewind play rewind play rewind play?
your ears would be put to the speaker, and you would say "no wait-! rewind again! i think he's saying this-"?
now i only do that in the car. but i'm driving while i do it so its not the same. so i say "i'll google it when i get back home"

we don't work for our lyrics anymore do we?

she said into the phone on her way home from chalet basque:

we had a good time together. no. i mean,
we
had
a
good
time!!!

we had fun!

it was raining every day.
it was raining!

we smoked bowls together. we made fires!
we planned smoking bowls while we got burritos.

we got burritos, brought them home, smoked a bowl, and then ate the burrito.

no.

we got home from work, looked at each other, jumped up and down, and said "lets get burritos and watch big lebowski.

high!

and then we got burritos, set up the dvd player, and smoked a bowl.

we shared the dog.
we shared a DOG!

it was raining every day.

we listened to music. and drank wine.
we got high, ate burritos, and listed to music while talking about life.

we talked about life!
we got high, ate burritos, listened to music, drank wine and talked about life.

while petting the dog.

eat eat eat!

ya think those biggest loser contestants totally BINGE LIKE HELL the night before showing up for taping at NBC?

Like hell i would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT.

i'd eat:
uh, ice cream i guess.

funny. just like being accepted to gawker comments (gawments) today, i couldn't think of anything to comment. so it was like "duh". and now. i'm asking my own self "hey, if you could have one last meal, what would you have?" and i'm like "uh, duh. ice cream?"

its like that.

anyway. yah think they binge like mad? yah think NBC tells them to binge, so they look even FATTER on the first episode so the "look back at her fat ass" makes more of an impact???

i'll bet YEAH!

my roommates. the history thereof. i feel like i've done this before. but after checking, i havent.

1. Idaho summer of 1995. House of 6 girls:
-Amy - from Thousand Oaks Cali. She was loud & fun! would run in the mornings, was rich, and had pizzaz! we were the same size, so we shared clothes. She had platinum blonde hair.
-Mindy & Amy (there were 2 amy's in our house) They were sisters from Issaqua Washington. They loved the outdoors. one was blonde & one brunette.
-2 Korean girls. They got me hooked on sticky rice. I sequentially gained my freshman 15 - not on beer, but on sticky rice........
2. Fall & spring 1996 (Idaho). 6 more girls:
-Rachel: Walnut Creek California. Was on the Volleyball team. Taught me about rap appreciation. Had hip California friends. Her father was a surgeon so she had amazing clothes for the time - a ton of doc martens, cool flannels, cool perfume. Every year i try to search her, but can never find her. She is married with kids now to a guy that i actually had a crush on. Jim.
-Kim: was dating rob. he was on the baseball team, she was on the volleyball team. from laramie wyoming. funny, but was always with rob.
-Olivia: we stayed friends for ever. she was from salt lake, brilliant, insecure, and so much fun she made my year and influenced my life. She is now an author in NYC.
-Teresa: hated me. and I hated her because she hated me. She called me fat, and she hated my laugh. I thought she was boring, and ugly.
-Shelly: Bleached her hair, and was in nutrition major. made killer pasta. dated a guy named walter. they are also married now. She covered her hair in tomato paste and horse tail cream in between dyes.
-Wendy: probably a closet lesbian. brunette.
3. Fall & Spring 1997 (Idaho) House of 6 girls.
-Elizabeth: long blonde from michigan. moved to new york with me. she had a rivalry with melissa.
-Melissa: we had the same birthday. her major was outdoor survival. she was the most interesting. made out with the most boys. was crazy fun. wish i knew where the hell she is.
-Sarah: Melissa's friend from Texas. One of the most insecure, skinniest people i've ever met. had a cute laugh, but never let it show. She adored me.
-Joy: half deaf. Elizabeth defended her all the time. I could never understand poor Joy.
-forgot her name. She was from Idaho, had a controlling boyfriend who made her give him blowjobs in his car. She could never break up with him, and then she mysteriously dropped out of college. We think she got pregnant.
4. Summer 1996 - Alaska fishing camp in King Salmon, AK. Amber was my roommate & she opened my world. Taught me about lesbians, auras, and bob marley. She drew my aura, and invited me to Burning Man after the fishing season was over.
5. Summer of 1999 - Italy/Europe with SUNY Purchase. Anna. She was my first Jewish friend. Photographer. Writer. Studied film. Introduced me to the history of film, a bunch of jewish survivors across europe, suffered from anorexia and bulimia! was a cutter and a nympho. does not talk to me anymore. no matter how hard i try. was one of the funniest, most humorous people i've ever met. i would laugh so hard with her that my voice would be horse the next day.
6. 2000 - 14th street Manhattan: The Katherine House. Now. This was a unique situation, because the first place where i lived in new york was an old school womens housing building where young professional women could live and eat for weekly fees. i was able to get my first job, save money, etc. and meet a ton of women like me. so i met:
-becky - writer who was interning at harpers and george plimton.
-bonnie - from n.j. social worker, but was spunky. red hair. she said i looked like charlize theron.
-tara k. - wow. this chick changed my world! she hung out with models, did coke of russians, rode in suv's with berdorf goodman heirs. and for some reason she always picked me to hang with......i still don't get it. she was my "beautiful people" experience. f.i.t., now she works at coach.
-my next door roomie - she was an actress who was like a mini/young bette midler. think beaches & young bette midler. that was her.
7. 11th street Manhattan:
-Hillary. Called her Hill-bitch. from Canada. Fucking knock your pants off funny. chick graduated from Northwestern in acting, so knew a bunch of actors. One of which is now on HBO. She had to leave the US because of green cards. girl could never find any work. poor kid. and had a failed relationship with austin who worked in tribeca at the popular restaurnat there.
-Lauren - wow. intense girl who was only there for a short minute. met her boyfriend at starbucks. moved to hollywood adn was on a show on WB for a couple seasons. was from oklahoma.
-Marcus - greek, intense struggling actor. he was a trainer, and had all of these grand ideas. every year he sends a mucho intenso christmas card. blessing us all.
8. summer 2001 East Hampton - becky. so much fun. we simply laughed our asses off all summer at this house we were managing. she is british. we have stayed friends forever.
9. Laurie - she was my friends sister. she was a lot of fun. breif. she moved to branson to be a singer in a show there. now she is travelling on cruise ships as an entertainer. she was blonde. still keep in touch.
10. James - was my first guy roommate where it was slightly akward because it was just james and i. i think we had a crush on each other in the beginning. but then it went away. this kid was british. he would drink so hard on teh weekends, he would stumble home, and keep all the lights on. 3 times he opened my door and just stood in the doorway. he ended up being one of the best roommates because he had a job in DC where he travelled there m-f.
11. Kelly. Mormon - only a summer on 14th street. i was monumentally depressed. that was the summer the lights went out. i don't remember a damn think about poor virgin kelly.
12. Mill Valley, CA 2005 -
-Mike - was my first roommate crush. we both just moved to the area from the east coast. it was a rainy winter. it was like we were married. he fixed thing, and i cleaned things. all we did was get high, eat burritos adn watch big lebowski. again. and again. and again. and then summer hit, the rain stopped, and we lost our apartment.
-Matt - the most successful stoner i've ever met. kid smoked about 3 bowls a day. kid walked around with a bong in his hand. made 6 figures, and moved to denver.
13. San rafael, CA 2007
I'm still living it, so comments later. but its a interesting mix.

smoke a bowl, make out.

my roommates here compare salsa heat.
"oh yeah? try this one."
"well its not as hot as this one"
"oh i why didn't you tell me you wanted something lethal"
"i got this in honduras off a dead man holding a baby."
"this one is from under the 18th rock 5 miles away from a scorpion den on the 89th parallel of texas."

you can see where i'm going with this. who's got the biggest whoo haa.

okay so these roommates do that. makes me miss the days on 11th on West Hudson where my other roommates would compare acting gigs. living with actors was always a story! every day story after story. the most struggling off all the actors was hillary from canada. one on particular day she came home DEFEATED. "i was so excited about this ad where they needed a hip girl (she had the hip look at the time). and then i read through the audition and realized it was a herpes ad"

and i thought this type of stuff was saved for sitcoms. not really.

someday i will write up a list of roommates - start to finish. i wonder the quirks people would say about me? when i write that up, i'll include myself in there, and you can try to guess which one i am.

i'll do this tomorrow, because i have nothing to do tomorrow. aside from lay on my porch naked because all of my roommates are out of state, i will walk the dog, and write up a history of my roommates. or, roommates, a history thereof.
toni frissel was/is the photographer of the day on wikipedia. she was rad. married to francis bacon too. her quote, however, got me thinking.
"i'd rather stalk with a camera than a gun."
obviously this was before the age of paparazzi. seems so innocent until you imagine diana dead in a tunnel, or lindsay now uninsurable for hollywood.

more of her water pics -

calculator

sometimes at work, i have(get) to "crunch numbers". i like "crunching numbers" and just LOVE my fingers gliding over my big button calculator.
when i crunch numbers on the calculator, i pretend that my rocker boyfriend has hired me to work the books at his band's studio in portchester, because - "she's good with numbers."
instead of sitting corpo, wearing corpo clothes, i'm seated on a metal swivel chair with a pleather green cushion. i am wearing a black t-shirt, fedora, and jean shorts.
i've got smeared eyeliner, because well, we do it all the time.
as in most fantasies.
and we just finished doing it before he had to run out for some lunch with one of his buddies from back home, who just got a construction job working with the MTA, and on this particular day he is working on the new haven line, parked at portchester for lunch. the construction worker eats roast beef, my boyfriend - turkey.
i told him to bring me some coleslaw from the deli on his way back to the studio.
while he's out, i put my feet up on the desk, smoke a cigarette, and put lavender diamond on the record player.
its bright out - a sunny humid day- but i blare 'oh no' - which then moves me to get up and stomp around for a few seconds, before sitting again, to finish my smoke.
maybe i have a dog - no - i had a dog. i think about him. think about his obsession with tennis balls and me, and then my boyfriend returns with coleslaw, a surprise twinkie (cuz thats our thing) a plastic fork & the typical east coast pile of napkins to wipe the mouths of 5,000.

nus obmam

Beneath the bebop moon
I want to croon with you
Beneath the Mambo Sun
I got to be the one with you

My life's a shadowless horse
If I can't get across to you
In the alligator rain
My heart's all pain for you

Girl you're good
And I've got wild knees for you
On a mountain range
I'm Dr. Strange for you

Upon a savage lake
Make no mistake I love you
I got a powder-keg leg
And my wig's all pooped for you

With my heart in my hand
I'm a hungry man for you
I got stars in my beard
And I feel real weird for you

Beneath the bebop moon
I'm howling like a loon for you
Beneath the mumbo sun
I've got to be the one for you

drive to water



after my flight landed, i drove south to laguna beach.

way to crowded. i DID manage to park my car, and walk to the beach. i took off my sandals & ran to the water. after feeling how warm and inviting the pacific can ACTUALLY be... i decided to go to the nearest store, buy a towel & waterproof sunscreen, use the bathroom to change into my cute new swimsuit. once equipped, i simply drove down the coast and stopped at various beaches along the way.

park.
sandy walking.
towel and bag shuffle.
drop drawers lift shirts
fear crash laugh smash.
running with waves
mesh with water
12 years old.
dry off sun
back in car
chorus.