2movies

i watched no country for old men today. i really can't take stressful movies - like killer movies, etc. but it was worth it for the cinematography. the beautiful tan-toned scenes were something to get excited about. they made me (as the coen brothers always do) want to be more creative. to take muted, worthy, "life" shots. that is the best i can explain.

second movie i watched was the black & white cartoon persopolis. it was so great in the moving way of "gut life" feelings. but the ending??????????? dunno. left me thinking i should have only paid matinee price. dang you!

well thats my take. good night.

the rules of unemployment

1. no weight gain. not even an ounce.

2. no soap operas

3. apply to at least 1, job per week day.

4. when your dog wants to cuddle, put down the laptop and cuddle.

5. ride your bike or go for a jog at least once a day.

6. join a community group that is free, and will benefit the mind.

7. volunteer.

8. go to matinee shows.

9. keep a clean house.

10. learn a musical instrument.

limbo

its almost like being in the middle of a real crisis. i mean bloodshed, life, etc. is better than simply being boring. limbo. unwanted. not needed.

why. because the crisis is the crisis. bills stop. survival starts. all you think about is how to survive. and then you do survive. or you do die.

limbo. boredom. things not working. bills still due. houses still to heat. these boring things. the mundacity of life. the things that become reality when you can't heat them. or start them. or feed them. start to hurt more than if you are worried you might step on a landmine.

but i have no idea what i am talking about.

at least i'm not sick in bed. but then again - see, if i was sick in bed i wouldn't be thinking about the boring. the lame. the not needed. i'd simply be focused on surviving.

which sometimes, is a lot more interesting than focusing on how to pay for the electric bill. or the new starter coil.
as i type from my sick bed i look up our horoscopes.

The Gemini personality may prove to be to restless for the Taurean nature. The two signs are emotionally at odds. the mercurian outlook on intimate matters does not sit well with the son or daughter of Venus. the Gemini loves a variety of thought, and delights in all mental pursuits, while the Taurean is mostly interested in the material things of life. The great sex drive of the Taurean could overpower the more docile Gemini.

seems as tho we are not the perfect of matches. i find myself wishing you were born in july - or maybe january, as i've been with capicorns and cancers and had a good time. the capicorn was an animal. and the cancer was too an animal in a punk way. in a zest for life way. but he was typical cancer - and very moody.
the capicorn didn't stay long enough for me to figure him out really. he did tell me his birthday is new years day. so thats cool.

so in the stars it looks like we are doomed.
in the roomed is looks like we are stars.
there is a general misunderstanding. i could see us fighting vesuvius fights. but i can also see us being sweet to each other at 73. you would be 70. i imagined holding your nice hand during the movie today.

do horoscopes apply to dogs too?
i really don't understand why i am getting sick all the time lately? i've started documenting the sick times on my calendar. "scratchy throat" on one day "bedridden" in another.
i mean, my head feels like it is in a straightjacket of pain. its locked filled with snot.
surprisingly the only thing that is soothing is playing blackbird on the guitar.
i spent an hour and a half tonight playing blackbird on the guitar, just to give my poor sniffling nose a break.

digital

someone came to our office the other day to give the lowdown on digital frames. did you know that bill gates has his art collection shown on huge flatscreens around his house??

whats the point?? d said the point was that he could then have the art sent to this place and that place and not "miss" it.

whats the point.

that really annoys me. is it true??
oh shit i never texted back whats his name. and whats his other name never texted me back. and then there's the name thats right in front of my face. because he dumped whats her name and now he's right in front of my face.
luckily whats her other name called me back and now we can be names and know names.
and the other other whats her name has issues with the name in front of my face so i don't really mention him much to whats her other other name.
ran into blood today. the blood is moving to oregon next week. going to san francisco to buy his one way ticket for the train.
you stopping by the family farm?
sure. its about a half hours time from where i will land.


killing time. won't stop. this crime. killing tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime. won't stop. this crime. killing time........................ wont stop. this crime.

yep. still on elliott smith. but this time, its roman candle. just do yourself a favor and play the whole damn album 1nce a night before you go to bed. and then wake up and play it silently while strumming your air guitar. when you wake up. the whole damn thing. what is a roman candle?

so anyway, back to blood.
he was eating his vegan bites.
and talking about juicing mights.
going to live with a friend from school.
who's dad is dying. of cancer.
going to cleanse the dad and
get this
"cook" raw vegan food.
but........... raw food isn't cooked?
mr. practical and i stay quiet. bite our modest, tall lips. and sit next to each other. oh fuck thats another whole topic in and of itself.
so anyway. blood says he's gonna save the world with juice. raw juice. gonna slip the cost of a juice machine i tell yah.
so uh,,,,,,, you are just going to stay with them?
yeah. they own a tanning salon.
biting lips. knocking knees.

so whatdowegot?
former longhorns fan - i'm talking only bought longhorns shirts and hats and carried the longhorns flag around with him for good luck - goes vegan.
former cooking school guy - i'm talking fifty grand loan chef friends working in manhattan starter job was top 3 in san fran - goes raw.
raw vegan kid goes to oregon. makes sense.
to help a guy diagnosed with cancer. who owns a tanning salon.
you copy?

killing timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme. won't stoppppppppppppppppppp this crime.

2 nights 2 days

in
hi. i left work on Friday at 5:30. Started working on my website at 6.
kept working on it until 1am.
slept.
woke up at 8am. worked on my website.
took rowdy for a walk. picked up geo. took an hour nap.
worked on my website until 12am.
slept.
woke up at 8. worked on my website.
took rowdy to the pond. walked around the farmers market. made a bagel cheese avocado sandwich.
worked on my website until now.

my hand has carpel tunnel, and my neck has a crink.

but i've got a website! so. at this point in time, i still have to do the "about me" section - which will include blogs, etc.

please visit.

HELLODEER DOT COM BITCHES

thems

what if some lives are simply meant to be remembered.
those canonized after death.
so basically, if they ever did get recognized, it probably would have spoiled their angst.
their thoughts on not making it.
the takes on loneliness.
and tears of heartbreak.
never being recognized.for anything really.
no lotto win.
no new dishwasher.
no grocery bonus from the grocery store for using your own bag instead of theirs - making you stressed out while you carry the eggs home. in your purse.
no public handholding

never really succeeding at anything
is a kind of life too. right?
a way of life.

zero zero zero zero

nothing. zip. nada.

9 days sober

wow i just ate a chocolate that said it was cookie dough covered in chocolate. it tasted like medicine. of a dishwash kind...

at work i am friends with people 20 years older than me. the people closer to my age are well, mean. and they whisper and glance. and they don't really smile all that much. i try to stick with the people who smile, and when you walk by them, they don't scowl - they whisper "you look beautiful when you smile. hold your head up and smile."

today while having lunch with one of those gorgeous co-workers, i listened while she talked about her engagement to someone 20 years older than her.
as i listened and look at her, i realized -
wow. life is long. wow. i mean, i have so much more to go.
i felt so lucky to have her as a friend.

and that is when i realized that i would look back and wish i would have known what i know now.

when you have those brief moments where you realize just how young and just how long this life is.
you straighten your pants, pull up your socks, tuck in your shirt, and try to muster all the knowledge you could possibly contribute to that instant.

trying to know what we know now can be a lot of work!

and then back to normal time. maybe a 4/4 measure. of just being in the moment.

i have 20 dollars. i will get something within 20 dollars.
i have a slice of bread. i will eat something with a slice of bread.
i have to take a walk. i will take a walk.
i have a song. i will play a song.

electronic baby

tonight at dinner kristin and i sat at the table next to a healthy couple who chat chat chatted away.
while their baby of about 1.5 years, held an iphone with cartoons playing.
i was shocked the baby could even "grab" or "hold", being that the thing couldn't really speak yet........
even still, it watched iphone cartoons, while chatty chat and chatticus chatter chatted along and hand diamonds flashed.

oops! baby hit the iphone screen. looks confused to mama.
no worry baby. i'll fix it for you. well here, actually i'll show YOU how to get back to the screen.
i can't be bothered.
whew. cartoon back on.

what where you saying about chatty chat?

i love the way your diamond catches the light.